Tendayi Grows Things

Henley Business School: Henley (UK) Over the last 32 months, I've been submerged in the pursuit of a Masters degree. The work itself was not technically difficult but getting it done was. There was a large volume of text to get through, thinking and writing to do. The time demand, constantly being one place but thinking about what you actually should be doing, attempting to balance health, spirituality, relationships, a mad juggle. Yup, getting this baby done was hard.  The degree exposed me, magnified certain qualities that had been dormant. One, is that I was defined by performance, the grade mattered, something I learned after I tumbled into a state of gloom for the entire day I received a less than average mark. I had deliberately pursued part time over the shorter full time study option whilst working full time because I couldn't afford to do it any other way. I also didn't want my career growth to stop.  I made responsible decisions, moved from freelance to

Stop, for a moment... or more. I've recently not been in a good head space. I know this because throughout my entire life, I've been an extremely motivated person. I was around the age of 14 when I took a pretty impressive report card to my father. He read it and smiled then said "good, but if you do well, do it because you want to, not to impress me, or anyone else." Geez dad, all I wanted was a "what a smart child you are, what a good child you are..." affirmation from the person who's opinion mattered most to me. Funny that comment's been a silent life value of mine. I've always set a bar for myself, sometimes unreasonable, and am working on that, but I'm OK not getting the praise of others.  If I feel I have delivered to the best of my capability, I've delivered, regardless of what anyone else thinks. So when my sense of motivation disappeared I knew something was wrong.  I questioned why I was doing whatever I was doing?  Purs

I've never been married and many peers my age are hitched and one to four kids in. RESPECT! My singleness doesn't bother me so much... right this moment. It has in the past though and probably will again in the future. That's life and as a dear colleague said to me "we humans are full of contradictions" agreed! So why is this awesome human that is me single? I have been asked. I haven't the foggiest clue, but I have in the past asked myself questions like "what's wrong with me? Am I lovable? Why won't they stay?" Responses like "there's nothing wrong with me, it's them... men are dogs, men don't commit anymore..." have come to the fore, but as I grow older (wisdom alert) I realize that sometimes, there was something wrong with me, and sometimes it really was them. I know for sure that not all men are dogs and some totally want to commit. How do we navigate this complexity then? Today, more women in their 30s have nev

I turned 32 nineteen days ago and I’ve had this niggling feeling since. I can articulate why now. It’s because my life today is not what I thought it would be when I was designing it at aged 16.  I’m supposed to feel the greatest amount of autonomy, the greatest fulfilment since moving into my own place and working a version of my dream job.  On the contrary, right now, I am the most vulnerable and helpless I have ever been aware of myself being. And it’s not irrational. Six months ago it felt like scales literally fell off my eyes and for the first time in my entire life, I could see life for what it truly was. Ugly. Had it really always been this way and I just never noticed? Suburban life provided a convenient veil from the pain of the majority where no high walls or armed security is an option to shield one from harm. People’s homes and sense of security, peace are pillaged by those that feel its OK to break in and break things, to get in and get things that don’t belong to t

My pumpkins are dying. Two months in, the leaves are yellow around the edges, one would think it was the heat, putting some strain on the poor babies. From the looks of one of the 11 pumpkins I planted, in a few weeks, the other ten like that one, may not make it. To be fair, in my reading up on 'how to grow pumpkins from seed', I saw something about pests that follow when a plant germinates from the ground. The pests like me, are looking for food from the plant that's at the early stage of its life. The difference between us though, is that I get to consume the fruit much later on in the cycle - if it makes it.  Bugs, ants, flies that can inhibit the pumpkin plant's growth, never mind that, I was more interested in the seeing the green shoot out from beneath the soil. I wanted to see the transition from seed, to seedling, to plant, to fruit. I neglected to put as much study into the need to protect the plant from other things that want something from it. It rem