Tendayi Grows Things

My father visited me a few weeks ago. It was the first time in my life that I'd been alone with him in one house for an entire week. I was hosting, the house was mine, my first in my name (once the bond is paid off) and I wanted him to be proud. He was, but he had some thoughts on areas of improvement. It upset me, why couldn't a full 20 minutes pass before a critique followed a compliment. Then I realized, thaaaat's where I get it from. I do that to myself. Eeek! It took me two days to share with him, that, I just wanted him to be proud and not look at what could be done better. He was really sweet about it and I'll tell you what he said later. But he wasn't wrong. There was a whole lot that could be done better. I knew it, I just didn't have budget for it, his assessment was spot on but I just wanted him not assess and just beam with pride. I've wanted my father to be proud of me since I was 14 and I went to him with that 97% history result. He asked

I recently got told no. Today actually. Even had an explanation, but I was upset. Why? Why does rejection hurt, even when the reason is plausible, even when you know what you must do to turn the rejection around? Because they just do. OK there's a whole psychological (i.e. ego) basis for this but I'd like to discuss the types of nos I've experienced in my professional life and what I've learned from them. Straight up no. The "not good enough..." no. The "not now" no... The one that starts as a yes then later turns into a "we can't afford this/our strategy has changed/ we will revert and they actually don't. It's you that turns stalker because you're not the only one they are speaking with. Then there's the go back and rework it no. I work in the creative industries and I have been on the giving and receiving end of every single one of these. Every one of them sucks! WHY? As a creative(or anyone that cares about w

Butterflies Am I the only one on this planet that has that sick feeling in their stomach when embarking on a new venture? That feeling often leaves me confused on whether it's a signal to keep on trucking because I'm on track - or to stop right now because there's an impending crash? Do those butterflies in my tummy mean onward or retreat?  I've found for the most part, that feeling points to my need to keep it moving, forward, in and through that fear. I've more often than not found that past that threshold is an exciting new discovery like a new skill, passion, great relationship or destination. A few years ago, I got tired of that yuck feeling signalling something wonderful on the other side.  Shouldn't markers that point to all things good feel good?  Lately, I've been listening to a tonne of mindfulness podcasts and self awareness speakers and the common thread is the mind and body detests change. Even when it knows the change is for our own good