Fail Epically

Drakensburg

Being perfect is pointless because real growth comes from failing "epically" (made up word). That's what I got out of a speech I came across that Denzel Washington delivered to some university graduates. He talked about the inevitability of failure, but that we should "fall forward."

More on the speech here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAmP5JLemfs

The speech resonated with me because I was in the throes of having to make a big, expensive decision that would involve going in deep, maybe beyond my means. But when THEEE DENZEL says it's OK to be reckless, it almost gave me permission to do what I wanted to do even though when I weighed the cost, it was higher than I was willing to bare.  In fairness I don't think Denzel was saying be reckless but he did make me think. When is it important to jump in head first and when to keep your head where it is and study that water surface to determine whether it is deep enough to swim in or if its a puddle that could cause serious damage if you dive in indiscriminately? With the new year upon us, have you asked yourself when you should dive in, or chill? In love, in dreams, in career changes, in travel decisions, in buying choices, in everything? I've had to weigh each of these things up to varying degrees in this last year and here's how it went for me:

My feet...holding back

1. In love - Dive in, or chill? When it's beautiful dive in. This year I learned a whole human being can bring havoc into your life, but also an incredible sense of peace. I had my boundaries tested, in some cases reinforced, in others stretched.  It's made me better, but it's also made me unsure, have to re-evaluate who I am, what I stand for and whether that's worth changing for the opportunity to enjoy the presence of someone lovely but imperfect in my life in the long hall.  Mind you I'm equally flawed so with that in mind, I chilled. Why? Because who I am has taken over three decades to build and changing that is monumental. I choose to change the things that are not lovely in me, that cause hurt and discomfort. The things that bring peace, joy and a sense of safety are not worth abandoning for something that may not last especially if the trade isn't as significant for the other party. I figure, when it comes to love, there is a time to dive in and a time to chill. And until I have figured out some of the rocky places I've discovered exist in me, I will chill even more but dive in with someone who is willing to explore those rocky places with me.
2. In dreams - Throughout my life I have dove in and chilled in varying degrees concerning dream chasing. When I was younger and had a great support structure, it was easy to just dive in because I always had somewhere to land. As I grew older I learned about these under 30-years-old self made millionaires that quit school or rebelled against the system and disrupted the world. They gained fame, fortune and legacy.  That was the path to follow. Only NOT!  Zimbabwe, the country I come from became what it did before I became a fully formed adult. The result was my family fragmenting to different parts of the world and my support structure crumbling. I was on my own in many ways and as both a rational thinker and an "out of boxer..." achieving stability became a priority, but sometimes at the expense of creativity. I played it so safe for so long - fear of lack, failure or embarrassment grounded me. Then several people I grew up with, was friends with or worked with that were my age or younger passed on. This was a major wake up call, that whether or not I play it safe, life will end. The question is, will I be satisfied with whatever progress I've made when I have to face death? On some days the answer is yes, on others it's no, but the definite way forward is to never compromise what I believe I was created to do in the name of security.  Security for what? Security for who anyway? I'm single and childless smh! I best get mooooving! I haven't got much to lose :-)
3. In career changes - as above :-)
4. In travel decisions - I almost always dive in! But I've learned to save a little every month to try and have enough for one overseas trip and at least a couple of local ones a year. I've prioritised learning more about the country I live in and learning about other places too.  Putting money aside and finding cost effective ways to travel that don't compromise too much on my comfort threshold have given me some latitude to dive in. But I dove in so much this year, this Christmas I couldn't go home because the funds were depleted. But my heart was full from all the family visits I'd done throughout the year and the family that visited me. It's also lovely that I have family in the friends that opened their hearts and homes to me when I remained behind.
5. In buying choices - this one became real for me recently. In the last six months I was toying with the idea of buying a new car. I have a corporate job and sometimes appearance matters (so they tell us).  Sometimes the people that report to me drive better cars than I do and I have never cared before.  I'm not sure when it happened but something in my indifference frayed and I started to care how people saw me. Like really? Lord knows what happened to my mantra "you people don't put sadza on my table, why should I care what you think?" I do think that it's normal that we go through these phases every now and again but it's also important to dig deep to figure out why.  I shared with a few people what I was thinking and one person said to me "you really need a boyfriend, you're thinking of buying a car new?" Yes he was alluding to my stereotypical chick ignorance around proper strategies employed when purchasing a vehicle.  Another friend said "why?" and I just said to her I needed an upgrade, I don't drive a car that says "manager."  I test drove one that costs half my bond and I looooooooved it.  Then I did the sums, then I looked at my financial goals and my limited available funds.  I knew the answer all along, this was just not feasible or necessary considering what I really wanted, which is financial independence. The car would make me financially bound but look like a baller while I was at it. Wooooo. So I chilled on the purchase but the process of working through out helped consolidate my true desires.

In conclusion, failing epically doesn't mean living recklessly and impulsively. For me its about living by your values and taking a second to test whatever decision you are about to make against those values.  That way if you do fall, it definitely will be forward because it will be in the bid to advance what you truly believe. But even if we go against that sometimes, our values are always there to guide us back to the right path, a path that has many little roads within it which means we will always find our way.