Tendayi Grows Things

Drakensburg Being perfect is pointless because real growth comes from failing "epically" (made up word). That's what I got out of a speech I came across that Denzel Washington delivered to some university graduates. He talked about the inevitability of failure, but that we should "fall forward." More on the speech here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAmP5JLemfs The speech resonated with me because I was in the throes of having to make a big, expensive decision that would involve going in deep, maybe beyond my means. But when THEEE DENZEL says it's OK to be reckless, it almost gave me permission to do what I wanted to do even though when I weighed the cost, it was higher than I was willing to bare.  In fairness I don't think Denzel was saying be reckless but he did make me think. When is it important to jump in head first and when to keep your head where it is and study that water surface to determine whether it is deep enough to swim in or i...

My sister is an avid vintage clothing collector and wearer and I've sourced these pieces from her.  I have always loved vintage, for the style but also the stories I imagined the wearer had all those decades ago.  I've created stories around these few items, and will be building on them each week.  Who do you imagine these women were? Where did they wear these items? Why don't you write your own version in the comments section?  All pieces are up for a new body to rock them.  If you'd like one or two or more, send me a mail at calmgold08@gmail.com and we'll talk Rands and cents.  Vintage love xoxo Dress 1: "My Mother's Black Dress" The Black Dress: It's 1929, I'm going to my first party. It's in the city somewhere. The city scares me, everyone there is beautiful and bold, like my mother. This is her dress, she's the stylish one. She's also the most beautiful woman I've ever met.  Me? I...

I've recently experienced a transition. I've been asked about this recent decision I made. When I answered "I'm still working it through" I realised it was OK not to have it all figured out before you make a move.  Sometimes the figuring it out comes in the moving. I grew up believing certain things, many are like me in this way of processing things. Others grow up not thinking about anything at all. And then life hands out some experiences that make you question why you believe what you believe. Why do you believe what you believe? Why do you do what you do? Have you ever changed your mind after having walked a path for as long as you remember? How did you arrive at the change?

Henley Business School: Henley (UK) Over the last 32 months, I've been submerged in the pursuit of a Masters degree. The work itself was not technically difficult but getting it done was. There was a large volume of text to get through, thinking and writing to do. The time demand, constantly being one place but thinking about what you actually should be doing, attempting to balance health, spirituality, relationships, a mad juggle. Yup, getting this baby done was hard.  The degree exposed me, magnified certain qualities that had been dormant. One, is that I was defined by performance, the grade mattered, something I learned after I tumbled into a state of gloom for the entire day I received a less than average mark. I had deliberately pursued part time over the shorter full time study option whilst working full time because I couldn't afford to do it any other way. I also didn't want my career growth to stop.  I made responsible decisions, moved from freelance to...

Stop, for a moment... or more. I've recently not been in a good head space. I know this because throughout my entire life, I've been an extremely motivated person. I was around the age of 14 when I took a pretty impressive report card to my father. He read it and smiled then said "good, but if you do well, do it because you want to, not to impress me, or anyone else." Geez dad, all I wanted was a "what a smart child you are, what a good child you are..." affirmation from the person who's opinion mattered most to me. Funny that comment's been a silent life value of mine. I've always set a bar for myself, sometimes unreasonable, and am working on that, but I'm OK not getting the praise of others.  If I feel I have delivered to the best of my capability, I've delivered, regardless of what anyone else thinks. So when my sense of motivation disappeared I knew something was wrong.  I questioned why I was doing whatever I was doing?  Purs...

I've never been married and many peers my age are hitched and one to four kids in. RESPECT! My singleness doesn't bother me so much... right this moment. It has in the past though and probably will again in the future. That's life and as a dear colleague said to me "we humans are full of contradictions" agreed! So why is this awesome human that is me single? I have been asked. I haven't the foggiest clue, but I have in the past asked myself questions like "what's wrong with me? Am I lovable? Why won't they stay?" Responses like "there's nothing wrong with me, it's them... men are dogs, men don't commit anymore..." have come to the fore, but as I grow older (wisdom alert) I realize that sometimes, there was something wrong with me, and sometimes it really was them. I know for sure that not all men are dogs and some totally want to commit. How do we navigate this complexity then? Today, more women in their 30s have nev...

I turned 32 nineteen days ago and I’ve had this niggling feeling since. I can articulate why now. It’s because my life today is not what I thought it would be when I was designing it at aged 16.  I’m supposed to feel the greatest amount of autonomy, the greatest fulfilment since moving into my own place and working a version of my dream job.  On the contrary, right now, I am the most vulnerable and helpless I have ever been aware of myself being. And it’s not irrational. Six months ago it felt like scales literally fell off my eyes and for the first time in my entire life, I could see life for what it truly was. Ugly. Had it really always been this way and I just never noticed? Suburban life provided a convenient veil from the pain of the majority where no high walls or armed security is an option to shield one from harm. People’s homes and sense of security, peace are pillaged by those that feel its OK to break in and break things, to get in and get things that don’t be...