Tendayi Grows Things

We are often told to have a game plan before you leave your day job and start life as a full time entrepreneur. Part of the game plan is making that entrepreneurial venture a side hustle.  When that side hustle starts to make you enough money to leave the day job, then you can safely go. Or when you have at least 6 months salary equivalent you can start your new independent life. But how often does this actually happen? And worse what happens when you burn out in the process of juggling both. The choice in my journey was to get rid of my debts, get that six months padding and then say toodles. But that doesn't happen on its own.  It's rare that your current job can give you enough margin to achieve those financial objectives in the short time an impatient entrepreneur wants to get things going. So it's either the side hustle or freelance work that will bridge the money gap.  The challenge though is, those things require energy. In my case of product creation, my side hu...

My father visited me a few weeks ago. It was the first time in my life that I'd been alone with him in one house for an entire week. I was hosting, the house was mine, my first in my name (once the bond is paid off) and I wanted him to be proud. He was, but he had some thoughts on areas of improvement. It upset me, why couldn't a full 20 minutes pass before a critique followed a compliment. Then I realized, thaaaat's where I get it from. I do that to myself. Eeek! It took me two days to share with him, that, I just wanted him to be proud and not look at what could be done better. He was really sweet about it and I'll tell you what he said later. But he wasn't wrong. There was a whole lot that could be done better. I knew it, I just didn't have budget for it, his assessment was spot on but I just wanted him not assess and just beam with pride. I've wanted my father to be proud of me since I was 14 and I went to him with that 97% history result. He asked...

I recently got told no. Today actually. Even had an explanation, but I was upset. Why? Why does rejection hurt, even when the reason is plausible, even when you know what you must do to turn the rejection around? Because they just do. OK there's a whole psychological (i.e. ego) basis for this but I'd like to discuss the types of nos I've experienced in my professional life and what I've learned from them. Straight up no. The "not good enough..." no. The "not now" no... The one that starts as a yes then later turns into a "we can't afford this/our strategy has changed/ we will revert and they actually don't. It's you that turns stalker because you're not the only one they are speaking with. Then there's the go back and rework it no. I work in the creative industries and I have been on the giving and receiving end of every single one of these. Every one of them sucks! WHY? As a creative(or anyone that cares about w...

Butterflies Am I the only one on this planet that has that sick feeling in their stomach when embarking on a new venture? That feeling often leaves me confused on whether it's a signal to keep on trucking because I'm on track - or to stop right now because there's an impending crash? Do those butterflies in my tummy mean onward or retreat?  I've found for the most part, that feeling points to my need to keep it moving, forward, in and through that fear. I've more often than not found that past that threshold is an exciting new discovery like a new skill, passion, great relationship or destination. A few years ago, I got tired of that yuck feeling signalling something wonderful on the other side.  Shouldn't markers that point to all things good feel good?  Lately, I've been listening to a tonne of mindfulness podcasts and self awareness speakers and the common thread is the mind and body detests change. Even when it knows the change is for our own good...

Happy New Year!!!! Well if you know anything about me, you will know that I am a huge experimenter and I do it all in the name of personal development.  I'm also willing to put imperfect things out there so I can track my growth. So whilst spring cleaning I found a green cloth that I had planned to use as a green screen some time ago. Then I found some old journals and thought heeeeey, let me vlog as I learn how to use this thing but get into the year teaching myself something new.  Imperfect but hey we have to start and grow from there. Here's to 2018...and to more of these and to growing.  Do you journal? Have you made new year's resolutions? Follow me here: Twitter: @tendayiness Instagram: tendiextravagant Song 1 by: iTunes and Song: Fredji - Happy Life (Vlog No Copyright Music) Music provided by Vlog No Copyright Music. Video Link: https://youtu.be/KzQiRABVARk

Drakensburg Being perfect is pointless because real growth comes from failing "epically" (made up word). That's what I got out of a speech I came across that Denzel Washington delivered to some university graduates. He talked about the inevitability of failure, but that we should "fall forward." More on the speech here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAmP5JLemfs The speech resonated with me because I was in the throes of having to make a big, expensive decision that would involve going in deep, maybe beyond my means. But when THEEE DENZEL says it's OK to be reckless, it almost gave me permission to do what I wanted to do even though when I weighed the cost, it was higher than I was willing to bare.  In fairness I don't think Denzel was saying be reckless but he did make me think. When is it important to jump in head first and when to keep your head where it is and study that water surface to determine whether it is deep enough to swim in or i...

My sister is an avid vintage clothing collector and wearer and I've sourced these pieces from her.  I have always loved vintage, for the style but also the stories I imagined the wearer had all those decades ago.  I've created stories around these few items, and will be building on them each week.  Who do you imagine these women were? Where did they wear these items? Why don't you write your own version in the comments section?  All pieces are up for a new body to rock them.  If you'd like one or two or more, send me a mail at calmgold08@gmail.com and we'll talk Rands and cents.  Vintage love xoxo Dress 1: "My Mother's Black Dress" The Black Dress: It's 1929, I'm going to my first party. It's in the city somewhere. The city scares me, everyone there is beautiful and bold, like my mother. This is her dress, she's the stylish one. She's also the most beautiful woman I've ever met.  Me? I...

I've recently experienced a transition. I've been asked about this recent decision I made. When I answered "I'm still working it through" I realised it was OK not to have it all figured out before you make a move.  Sometimes the figuring it out comes in the moving. I grew up believing certain things, many are like me in this way of processing things. Others grow up not thinking about anything at all. And then life hands out some experiences that make you question why you believe what you believe. Why do you believe what you believe? Why do you do what you do? Have you ever changed your mind after having walked a path for as long as you remember? How did you arrive at the change?

Henley Business School: Henley (UK) Over the last 32 months, I've been submerged in the pursuit of a Masters degree. The work itself was not technically difficult but getting it done was. There was a large volume of text to get through, thinking and writing to do. The time demand, constantly being one place but thinking about what you actually should be doing, attempting to balance health, spirituality, relationships, a mad juggle. Yup, getting this baby done was hard.  The degree exposed me, magnified certain qualities that had been dormant. One, is that I was defined by performance, the grade mattered, something I learned after I tumbled into a state of gloom for the entire day I received a less than average mark. I had deliberately pursued part time over the shorter full time study option whilst working full time because I couldn't afford to do it any other way. I also didn't want my career growth to stop.  I made responsible decisions, moved from freelance to...

Stop, for a moment... or more. I've recently not been in a good head space. I know this because throughout my entire life, I've been an extremely motivated person. I was around the age of 14 when I took a pretty impressive report card to my father. He read it and smiled then said "good, but if you do well, do it because you want to, not to impress me, or anyone else." Geez dad, all I wanted was a "what a smart child you are, what a good child you are..." affirmation from the person who's opinion mattered most to me. Funny that comment's been a silent life value of mine. I've always set a bar for myself, sometimes unreasonable, and am working on that, but I'm OK not getting the praise of others.  If I feel I have delivered to the best of my capability, I've delivered, regardless of what anyone else thinks. So when my sense of motivation disappeared I knew something was wrong.  I questioned why I was doing whatever I was doing?  Purs...

I've never been married and many peers my age are hitched and one to four kids in. RESPECT! My singleness doesn't bother me so much... right this moment. It has in the past though and probably will again in the future. That's life and as a dear colleague said to me "we humans are full of contradictions" agreed! So why is this awesome human that is me single? I have been asked. I haven't the foggiest clue, but I have in the past asked myself questions like "what's wrong with me? Am I lovable? Why won't they stay?" Responses like "there's nothing wrong with me, it's them... men are dogs, men don't commit anymore..." have come to the fore, but as I grow older (wisdom alert) I realize that sometimes, there was something wrong with me, and sometimes it really was them. I know for sure that not all men are dogs and some totally want to commit. How do we navigate this complexity then? Today, more women in their 30s have nev...

I turned 32 nineteen days ago and I’ve had this niggling feeling since. I can articulate why now. It’s because my life today is not what I thought it would be when I was designing it at aged 16.  I’m supposed to feel the greatest amount of autonomy, the greatest fulfilment since moving into my own place and working a version of my dream job.  On the contrary, right now, I am the most vulnerable and helpless I have ever been aware of myself being. And it’s not irrational. Six months ago it felt like scales literally fell off my eyes and for the first time in my entire life, I could see life for what it truly was. Ugly. Had it really always been this way and I just never noticed? Suburban life provided a convenient veil from the pain of the majority where no high walls or armed security is an option to shield one from harm. People’s homes and sense of security, peace are pillaged by those that feel its OK to break in and break things, to get in and get things that don’t be...